As a Big Girl, online dating offers many problematic moments; more so then just the “if I meet up with this person will I be turned into a skin suit.” I run the risk of showing up to a date and the person being surprised by my physicality. So I always make sure I have a full body picture on my profile. I recommend that to any Big Girl, or Big Guy out there. Save yourself that uncomfortable, gut-wrenching, embarrassing moment of them rejecting you because of your body. Make sure they only reject you because your personality sucks.
The next problem with only dating is the kind of men I often attract: Fat Fetish Enthusiasts, Controlling Men seeking Dominance, and those Reeking with Desperation.
For the FFE men, please refer back to my “Fetishes” posting. They are all very much the same, at least in my experience. They want you because you fat, not because of who you are as a human being.
The CMD men crack me up. They think because I am a Big Girl my self-esteem is low and they can control me. Surprise morons, I do not put up with that. I pride myself on my independence, and the fact I have built myself a life that does not require another person to be/feel fulfilled as a woman, and a person. Just because I WANT a man in my life, does not mean I NEED one.
I once had a person message me saying that my swimsuit picture was inappropriate and that if I was his girlfriend, he would not allow me to wear that let alone post pictures of me in it online. Let me describe this swimsuit to you: red, ’50’s inspired one piece with a halter type top. So scandalous?!? How I was not arrested for public nudity, I will never know.
I did not reply, but I wish I would have. I blocked and reported him. Looking back I should have told him he does not have the right or the power to control how someone dresses and that he should seek help for his own insecurities that have lead him to be an asinine misogynist. Unfortunately, he is not an isolated experience. He is just the most recent.
And finally we have the men that most often come out to play online, seeking Big Girls. The RD men. These are the men that are incredibly desperate to find a person to marry, and they don’t care who it is. They just want to be in a relationship, as if it will prove something, and they tend to pick Big Girls. They pick Big Girls for a similar reason the CMD men pick Big Girls. They think our self-esteem is low enough that will also be desperate and take any guy that shows up even the slightest bit of attention. These guys will instantly call you hon, honey, baby, babe and you haven’t even met them yet. They will plan trips, ask if they can kiss you, talk about sex instantly, once again, all before you’ve met them. These are the men that are sweet, caring, with a lot of love to give, but are so social awkward and desperate that they will drive you away because they come on too strong so quickly you will be scared away.
The one thing that all these men have in common is that they talk about spoiling you, giving you everything and taking care of you. They say that because they think its what Big Girls want to hear, and they think it will make us feel special. In my experience the “spoiling” never happens.
Honestly, I have never wanted to be spoiled or taken care of by a man, or any person actually.
I don’t want to be someone princess. I am a Queen. I rule my own country. I rule my own mind, and body. I am Queen Elizabeth, Dammit!
Be Queens, Big Girls!